Such A Lost Creature
by vulcanmind
Summary: After the incident on Midgard, Loki was having some thoughts he never wished to have. Set after Thor and The Avengers. Rated T for dark themes.


_I'll love whatever you become_  
_Forget the reckless things we've done_  
_I think our lives have just begun_  
_I think our lives have just begun_

* * *

"I could have done it, Father!" he sobbed. The demi-God was left hanging off Odin's spear, Gungnir, about to fall into the abyss after his brother destroyed the Bifrost.

"I could have done it!" he was uncertain of what to say.

"For you!" a tear ran down his cheek as he gulped. "For all of us." Loki let out a weak smile, but then gave up. He craved redemption. The only thing the God of Mischief wanted was to be happy. To be redeemed from his crimes, from his pain. He waited for a moment, clueless towards what action to take.

The Allfather looked down on his son. "No, Loki" he had replied. Loki's heart dropped like a stone...all hope was gone. He had well and truly disappointed his family and friends. What else was there for him in Asgard? His time was done. It was time for him to leave.

Loki slid his hand down the spear, edging towards the abyss.

"Loki, no..." his brother called for him. You could see the pain in Thor's eyes. The God of Thunder was desperate for his brother to not leave him. Loki's hand slid again. One final move and he was gone.

Thor looked into Loki's eyes, longing for him to stay. They were raised together, they played together, they fought together. Loki may not be Thor's blood brother but they were always going to be best friends.

Loki closed his eyes and let go of Gungnir. Thor yelled for his brother to come back but he turned away. Loki was left to fall into the abyss. Everything looked so small. Small, just like he was. Worthless. Nothing.

* * *

"Did you mourn?" he hissed at Thor.

"We all did. Our father..." Thor spoke confidently. He _had _mourned. His brother almost died. He tossed himself into an abyss of despair.

"Your father." Loki had interrupted. He began wandering around the top of the cliff, trying not to show that he was hurting. "He did tell you my true parentage, did he not?" He looked down at his wrist and looked calmly at the scars he had created. Loki began to think... "Why am I using my true parentage as an excuse?"

Thor spoke about the times he and his brother had together – deep down, they really truly did miss each-other. Trying to persuade his brother to come home.

"I remember a shadow." Loki said fiercely. "Living in the shade of your greatness."

Thor stopped. Was his brother really in so much pain he wanted to end his life? He watched Loki peer over the cliff face. Loki was thinking of something, but Thor didn't know what.

"It would be so easy to jump right now." Considered Loki. He turned quickly back to Thor and continued speaking. "I remember you tossing me into an abyss. It was I who was and should be king!" He changed the subject to force the tears back. He did not wish to be reminded of such pain that his brother had brought upon him.

* * *

Loki sat in the cell, alone. And crying. All these flashbacks had haunted him for so long; he was unable to take it. His hands were shaking, clutching one of his pocket knives. Only one thing could calm him down, he was going insane. The pain was too much. Sometimes, all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him that he was okay. He remembered the first time he numbed the pain with his knife. The blood was fascinating to see. Loki contemplated doing it again, but he thought it wouldn't be enough this time. After what had happened on Midgard, he had been brought back to Asgard and faced punishment of torture for five days straight. Day one was pure silence – no food, no guards, no visitors, nothing. Just him and his mind. Day two was being whipped. Day three was silence again. Day four was being cut on the back by a guard. And day five was silence again. Alone, just him and his thoughts. And the knife.

"I'm nothing." The God whispered to himself. "It would be so easy to bleed to death right now." His whispers turned into a choked sob as he fell to the floor, his chains making a loud clash. Loki's eyes were blurred, tears were making his hands so wet. If this cell was secure, then he would have eventually drowned in the tears. "Why?" he cried. The sound of his crying moans and weeps began to grow louder, until he heard a second and a third.

He looked up to see Frigga and Thor standing outside the cell, crying too.

"I refuse to lose my brother again." Thor bit his lip in fear. "We heard everything you had spoken to yourself..." And he began to cry.

Frigga wrapped an arm around her son and looked at Loki pleadingly. Loki didn't stop crying.

"We are breaking your father's commands coming to you. But Sif told us that she heard you crying...I had to see you." She broke out in tears again.

Loki gradually got off the floor and stood at the side of the cell, just glass was between Frigga and Loki now. "Tell me..." she said. "When did you first do it to yourself?" she looked at his wrist.

"After I had thrown myself into the abyss and found out I had survived."

"Is your wrist all where you have done it?"

Loki didn't reply. That was enough for Thor to realise that he needed help. Thor quickly exited the room and returned moments later with a key to the cell. Frigga gulped and took the key off Thor and opened the cell, running up to Loki and hugging him. Loki started crying once more as Frigga whispered "It's okay" into his ear.

Thor and Frigga stayed in Loki's cell for many hours, talking to Loki about all the good times they had and how he was going to be okay. Loki told them about how much pain he was in, all the lies he had told and he had given. They all had their fair share of tears and hearts broken. What broke Frigga's heart was the story of when Loki first hurt himself with the pocket knife. What broke Thor's heart was realising how bad a brother he was to not realise how much pain his brother was in.

"You may have done some horrible things, Loki. But I will always love you. I never stopped. Forget the reckless things you have done, it is in the past. You are my brother. And I love you. So much, do not forget it." Thor said to Loki.

That sentence mended Loki's broken heart. All the pain, all the blood, all the death and worthlessness...healed. From one sentence.

In time, Odin found Thor and Frigga and commanded them to leave the war criminal alone in his cell. But Loki didn't care. Because he knew that he wasn't alone. He was going to be okay.


End file.
